I present to you a self portrait based on how others perceive me. I wanted to have fun with this one and make it something that would represent me in a humorous way my close friends can identify with. I want to make this into a series of fantasy office paintings that feature many of my friends who suggest they would find their dream career working for me. I myself am some sort of industrial mad-man, similar to Bioshock Infinite's Jeremiah Fink.
So far I only have the main painting completed, but plenty of plans for the others. Without further delay, I present this painting.
BTW I draw digital pictures using a large glass etch-a-sketch, a custom type writer, and a low paid artists every square meter to represent the pixels in each painting. That is over 12,000 workers reproducing each sketch mark I make to finish my work, because I'm ridiculous like that.
The lovely secretary to my right is Miss Kayla Henricksen. Sorry boys, she is married to her job, and she is a snob anyway. Regardless, she works 18 hours a day and I can't complain about that.
The gentleman to my left is a real sir, goes by the name of Sir Anthony Birge. He clicks his heels, dusts the ceilings, trims the plants and trees, and delivers my text messages to me on a golden platter. He remembers my clients names so I don't have to, and for that I keep him around.
Additionally I have a part of my action figure collection on my desk. The figures are obviously of me, who else would they be? And I have a portrait of me back in the days when I settled into my first mahogany desk. By the way I was celebrating another successful day of art production. That is the reason for all the party balloons, the cigar is always there regardless.
Lastly, I thought it would be fun to include an easter egg in my office. Sir Anthony Birge did well to include one that any observant eye should catch, regardless of background in entertainment media.
Even if you never played Halo, you will get this one!
It would be a real shame if you could not find that easter egg. Seriously...
Anyway, I have plans for more paintings like this.
-We have my chaperone driver Josh Wise, he is a real chatterbox I tell you.
-Then we have Mr. Anderson. I'm leaving off his first name because it's too similar to mine, and that is a copy-write lawsuit waiting to happen. He is a lock smith. I put locks on just about everything too, and I have no idea what a key looks like.
-Then there is the young and beautiful Miss Megan Murphy in the human resources department, whatever they do. Anyway, she is probably the only reason new employees wonder into this workplace, which is a pity for them. HAAA!
-Oh and there is Jesse Ladd, head of security. He is pretty much the only guy holding this place together besides me. He and his cronies drag away angry clients, snuff out my competitors, and plans my schedule for the sake of my well being, which is nice.
-Kandi Henricksen is locked away in the treasury. Last time I heard from her, she said the vault room was looking a bit empty. I had her convert all my profit into pennies and that seemed to solve the problem. We pay the workers downstairs by the ounce anyway so it helps save money.
I'm sure there are plenty more to come including me standing in front of a portrait of myself from the year before. It's been a ten year tradition, so there is alot of us in the same frame.
Till next time! Now get out of my office!